Hey, Miss J!

I don’t have any favorite family traditions. Not anymore.

I’ll explain…

After my mother died, her side of the family in essence shut me out. No phone calls, no nothing.

There’s always been some considerable distance on my dad’s side… so I don’t personally know much of their family.

Over the years, as each person died, a bit of my enjoyment died right along with them. My mother’s death was in essence the nail in the coffin.

There’s been so much time that now too… I haven’t learned any of my dad’s family traditions. You’d think in the last 20 or so years that they’ve been in contact with me that I would learn something… but I had little to no interest. All I knew was that family events and holidays… they were all linked to ones I’d lost on mom’s side.

And… I’ve also found out recently that my father knows he’s not my father. That knowledge just… I’m still trying to come to terms with that.

I’ve had years of my aunt rocking back and forth over it because she knew my paternity was in question. My dad never brought it up, but I know he was getting annoyed with her too. However, the last time, she stated she had no nieces on a Zoom group we’re both in… probably because she didn’t know I was logged on.

So… I decided to get a test. Finally. My dad wasn’t upset at all, but yesterday he dropped the bombshell that he knew he was not my father. Has known for years, but didn’t want me to be hurt. But he saw it was starting to really bother me.

And he held on to that secret for so long…

I also called my aunt yesterday, after praying first that I would not lose what modicum of self-control and sanity I have when it comes to dealing with her, and gave her the good news that she likely was not my aunt.

She claimed she never ever said I wasn’t… that she wasn’t hung up on biology. Seriously. Of my sister’s two sons, she only wanted to know the one who was biological because as far as she was concerned, that was the only one really family.

The result of the call with her was being pulled into a three way with a mutual friend who stated she understood how much being told: “You are, you aren’t” for close to two decades would wear. My aunt claimed it wouldn’t bother her at all. This friend of ours however… was not so dismissive and nonchalant.

Probably because, unlike my aunt, our mutual friend cares. I also noticed how my aunt’s entire demeanor changed with that other person on the phone. Nowhere near as loud and defensive.

I told our friend plainly… if I didn’t have someone constantly in my ears saying that, I wouldn’t have bothered at all.

She got it.

My aunt did not get it.

She will never get it because she doesn’t really care.

Not about me.

She’s had a strong dislike of my mother for years and repeatedly talks about how my mother was stupid. That she was far smarter than my mother… etc.

My aunt has tried to claim I wasn’t related due to… blood type and lactose intolerance. When my blood type was what she didn’t want to hear, she said: “Maybe you are my niece.” When I told her I was not lactose intolerant after she loudly stated that no one on any side anywhere who was really her family was lactose intolerant… she was like: “Oh, maybe you are family.”

I told her then to treat me like I wasn’t family.

Treat me like a stranger.

She treats strangers better than family anyways.

She tried to state that I was also stupid at one point and kept irritating me because she wanted to know my IQ number.

WHY DOES AN IQ NUMBER EVEN MATTER?!

I told her it didn’t matter. And she told me that was true and that she was fine having a higher number than mine. But that: “IQ numbers don’t matter.”

…

I told her that fine, she had a better number and wanted her to leave it alone.

She kept digging.

Why I never hung up back then? I was too weak to. I wanted her to just accept and love me for who I was.

So… I told her what it was.

She exploded.

She was furious. Because her having 140 was fine, but I was tested and was told I had a 200 IQ.

She started screaming that I’d made so many mistakes that it wasn’t possible. Then told me that it had dropped with age.

… I reminded her that IQ doesn’t work like that. I make mistakes because I’m young and am not a perfect person. And that the numbers didn’t matter as she’d said earlier.

I explained that my IQ number just means my way of thinking is different.

For her to just let it go.

Still… from then on, she’d bring it up in arguments where she was attempting to belittle me. Or ridicule me for mistakes I made.

The back and forth we’ve had over the years has left me conflicted and harboring some serious anger. I don’t want to say hatred, because I don’t hate my aunt.

I hate her behavior.

I. JUST. WISH. SHE. WOULD. SHUT. UP.

She even tried to install a tracker on my phone. I stated it plainly: “You must have forgotten who I am. I am not your son. You will not put me on a leash and restrain me and know my every movement.”

She actually trained him. Like a dog.

To see a man who is late 20s, early 30s… sitting down after his mother ordered him to: “Sit!”

Do arguments count as family traditions?

If so, no thank you.

Oh, lest I forget… according to her, she’s the most clever and intelligent person in our family. I would introduce her to a friend of mine who has a near eidetic memory, but I don’t want her tearing that friend apart.

Though considering… that friend can probably hold her own pretty well.

Maybe they should meet?

~J. Lyst

I’ll be going to get the samples for the paternity kit I picked up. Which I will add… is now the most humiliating thing I’ve ever bought!

As for my aunt… her mouth has opened up a huge can of worms.

I hope she can still swallow.