I had an option to definitely live or to most definitely die.
Horribly.
I’m certain that I’ve answered this question before.
I’ve had to deal with feelings of inadequacy. I’ve had to deal with feeling that I wasn’t fully a woman anymore.
I have cried many tears, many times over this.
I hate any questions that have to do with my being pregnant, having children or plans of having them. I love children. Don’t get me wrong. The problem lies in the fact that I can’t get pregnant. There is no way and no how for me to accomplish that.
I was in my early 30s, the same age my mother was when she had me… and I had a medically necessary hysterectomy.
Let’s unpack what that means…
Young woman, of childbearing age. Severe periods. Severe pain. Separate sections of uterus having their own cycle…. so five days of bleeding with four days of nothing in between. Then another five days of bleeding… etc. Etc. Fibroids that are growing too fast to be considered normal by any means.
No medication would have helped me.
I had the option of myomectomy. I chose a hysterectomy.
There were fibroids all over the place. I’m pretty sure you need actual remaining muscle to have a myomectomy. They were so thick that the scalpel blades kept going dull.
Surgery took an extra 90 minutes due due to that.
It was so bad that they biopsied everything due to fears of cancer.
Yes, I chose to have the procedure. But no, I had no clue of the psychological ramifications of that.
I doubt I could have avoided it. The uterus was the size of, as the surgeon noted, a 5-6 month pregnancy and was against my aorta. It was also pressing against another vital blood vessel…
Until after the surgery, I had no clue how dire the situation had been. Keep the uterus and eventually lie horribly, attempt to have what would be a failed myomectomy or have a hysterectomy.
I go back and forth in my head a lot, about how utterly sad it is… to being happy that I didn’t have a child who would have suffered from illnesses they would have certainly inherited from me. My back issues are from my dad’s side. All of his siblings, including himself, have issues with spinal disks.
My psychological problems came from my mother’s side. There was no avoiding a major mental health issue.
… I hope this question doesn’t come around again…
~J. Lyst
People have short memories. It’ll probably be back next March on the 6th… again.
Hey, Miss J! 
Your Thoughts?