My mood isn’t so bad right now… I think it’s because I’m trying to get back on a regular schedule with my medicine.
Music has an enormous effect on my mood too!
Current Song On Repeat: Boy Meets Girl – Waiting For A Star To Fall
My house smells like the Angus beef I just cooked for dinner. Well… I cooked over an hour ago and the smell still lingers. Mmm… My house smells like food so often!
My dad was asking about where I got the meat. Since I’m quite literally poor…
Seriously. I had to apply for help to pay my utility bills. That stuff takes between $180-$300 depending on the month and lately my water bill has had me in tears.
I explained that a friend of mine decided suddenly to go plant-based primarily with fish and gave me over 30lbs of meat. It was all wrapped up in Ziploc bags and then in these heavy-duty hefty bags. I hauled that stuff home and shoved it in the freezer.
I decided I wanted beef last night so I pulled out the meat to thaw in the fridge and had some canned chicken last night. Or did I?
I’m starting to accumulate so many food pictures now that I can’t keep track of what I’m eating anymore.
I was supposed to make some fresh spring rolls today, but that never happened. Maybe tomorrow?
Should I keep my blog focused on mental health and the menial day-to-days that I have? If I thought back, I haven’t dealt with long stretches of depression for a long time now.
The trigger for my last spiral was attending someone’s wedding.
As much as I wanted to bid my friends congratulations – and I did – when I sat down on my bed, the silence hurt so much…
Everything was so still… so bleak.
My dad asks if my cats keep me sane. In a way, they do… but they’re pets. They’re not people. I can’t sit down and have a long discussion with my oldest cat about how her day was. I can’t share a meal with them.
A cat does not equal my grandparents, my mom or even a husband.
I used to live with two other people. Then… it became one person. Now even the cat I had back then is dead, so I have two. In a few days, I’ll be giving my youngest one to a no kill shelter. He’s adorable and his fur is so soft… but he’s violent with the oldest cat and has bitten and scratched me badly. I was bleeding for a bit there.
Oh well.
Hmm. Still in a fairly okay mood.
Time for more music and then Intervention and then cleaning along with it?
Oh! And bedtime meds!
Current Song On Repeat: Celine Dion – You And I
XXO
~J. Lyst
Hey, Miss J! 
Your Thoughts?