8:12pm – 8:25pm
I know this isn’t the first time that I copy over a post from my paper journal, but it feels so odd.
I realize…
In a way, I am still hurting from my surgery. I know the reality of the situation.
An intimate look at my life… that is what this is.
I am still grieving.
It was 2019, and I am still experiencing grief.
I can’t have children.
And someone I my life does her best to remind me.
Aside from either mental illness or general laziness… maybe a combination…
I can’t seem to keep my home tidy as I want.
I can’t manage my finances as well as I want.
Spiritually, I’m suffering.
All due to a desire to just down out the pain.
I still feel less than. I
still DO feel as if my body betrayed me.
I so badly want to find a man who will accept me as I am…
Empty and broken.
I feel like a broken record.
But it still hurts.
That same person in my life jokes that I am a cat lady.
I understand her code.
Single.
Childless…
With 5 cats for company.
If her ‘jokes’ weren’t meant to be malicious, I wouldn’t hurt so much.
But…
~J.
Apologies for my handwriting being so bad… And for sounding like a broken record. I try not to fixate on it, but it’s hard to forget…
Hey, Miss J! 
Your Thoughts?