Hey, Miss J!

Still scrambling. Still confused.

I’m about to drag myself downstairs to take my medication. Unfortunately, I need drugs to stay alive. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t touch any of this stuff.

I’m going to avoid realityTV. After watching “Little Women: NY,” I found myself screaming at the people on the screen. Size does not dictate whether or not you are a jerk. Your behavior does. I’ve no clue who Dawn was on there… but I sincerely hope she’s not like that in person.

The sheer amount of meddling that she did literally triggered another cast mate to go into labor. But… she tried to claim that she had nothing at all to do with what happened.

Reality TV has a tendency to only show the worst of people. Or encourage the worst of people. I’m hoping that’s the truth.

My favorite was Jazmine.

My least favorite was Dawn. Dawn sunk, in my tiny mind, to a level I’d seen in with my family… and it got on my last nerve.

Seriously. I had 1 nerve and Dawn leapt on 5 of them.

No one likes a bitter person who meddles.

And… funnily enough, I came to watch that show from “Little Women: LA.”

I had two favorites on there. Jasmine… I kid you not. She makes you just… smile. So… so friendly.

The other favorite is Elena. She didn’t seem to lose her temper often, but when she did… it was like you were in anticipation of being beaten half to death—unaware that you were already being injured.

Both Jasmin and Elena have pretty chill personalities for the most part.

Dad wasn’t a fan of Elena’s accent at all, but I like it.

I’ve found her YouTube page.

…

I wish she’d do make-up videos.

Something other than amusement park trips.

Seeing those as the main things she uploads is depressing, for two reasons.

One… Because she has other abilities, far beyond amusement park rides. There are so many other things she could do with her videos. Hello! Interior Design degree!

Second… because I’m sad to see her out of makeup. So sad. I can’t emphasize how sad I am.

A family member of mine did makeup professionally for a living for over three decades and was always in a good mood with it on. I suggested she wear makeup recently, to make herself feel better… and she refused.

And so she continues to be a depressed lump that does nothing but grumble, eat, feel sorry for herself and sleep.

I, on the other hand, have been bolstered.

I’m working to do several things.

• Actively lose weight. I was 39.9 on the BMI chart. I’m a petite woman, so that’s way too much weight on my bones.
• Fully clear my living space. My back bedroom is more frightening than the entirety of my basement.
• Get organized. My office is part of my bedroom and as such, I have a lot of office supplies that I’m trying not to get mixed up with my jewelry. Or my lipsticks. It’s easier to have happen than you’d think.
• I am unable to do my waterline, so I’ll need to find a friend to help me pull that off. I learn by observing, but I learn better by doing. I want to be able to do actual makeup on myself aside from just lipsticks/lip creams. I would like to learn how to do mascara too.

I’ve never seen myself as anyone that could be considered attractive to others, but I want to look good at least to myself.

Also… I know that I’m going to have a lot of loose skin when I hit my weight loss goal… and I’ll probably start looking into compression garments to deal with it.

My wings though. The wings aren’t flying off anywhere.

I want to build muscle and strength in my arms. No clue how yet.

And I want more flexibility.

I can touch my forehead with my toes so… I’d like to get my feet behind my head. All of this… in the potentially wasteful attempt to alleviate some of my back and hip pain.  

I guess… that’s all. Ciao!

~J. Lyst

I narrated this blog post! Yay! Now you can hear how odd my voice sounds if you didn’t already know!

Note: I have halting speech, so I do a lot of revisions to bring everything together. I shaved a good 2 minutes off my recording time by cutting out all of the gaps and bits of silence.