ON! And On And On And On And On And ONNN

Daily writing prompt

How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

It varied for me.

When my paternal grandfather died, I didn’t know what to think. I did know him well at all, and I was a bit sad, but not severely so.

When my maternal grandmother died, I was devastated and stuck. I was a bit angry at how life was, but it made me mature quickly.

When my maternal grandfather died, I was depressed again and stressed out and frightened about how I would support myself.

When my paternal grandmother died, I felt numb. Numb and sad. Cos she died the same year that my maternal grandfather did.

Then I ended up caring for my mother. I matured again… because I had no choice. I became more compassionate. I couldn’t manage her by myself and found a nice place for her to stay.

My hysterectomy changed a lot. I felt worthless. Utterly worthless as a woman. I wasn’t married, hadn’t planned on it or having children. At least not right away. So the fact that I couldn’t have children even if I had the chance to… I went through a period where I hated my life back then. I’ve just recently started getting over what the implications were. And mind… I was 32 when that happened. The same age my mother was when she had me…
My mother died the same year I had that surgery, so then I felt lost. So lost… and so depressed. It took until 2022 or 2023 for me to take her portrait out the box.
I found out I was losing my job 2 months after my mother died. Almost exactly 60 days later. I thought I was going to have a heart attack enroute to a union meeting.
COVID happened and my dad and aunt nearly died… and I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Lots has happened since… including a thwarted suicide attempt. At that point, I wanted my life to end.
My hot water tank failed and I had to suffer through ice cold showers… in the middle of winter. For months.
Last year in January, I had my first stroke. It made me afraid to be alive… oddly enough.
My second stroke was in July last year. I became more ambiguous about my life.

Since I was young, I’ve come to appreciate, hate, then appreciate my life again. I see each day as a gift instead of a punishment.

~J. Lyst

Hey, Miss J!