Hey, Miss J!

Not being close—well—that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Earlier this morning, I was firmly reminded of that. At times, I want to ignore the unease I’ve felt for so long… but then again, I realize that doing so makes me very uncomfortable.

I have worked very hard to better my behaviors. Simplifying my life has significantly reduced the stress in it.

So… The last thing I need is to be exposed to someone who can drag me back to who I used to be.

Cutting contact—now that isn’t hard for me to do. With some family, I’ve firmly shut down contact on my end since July. Others, I haven’t spoken to since 2019. Though, I did recently reestablish contact with my father, as suggested by my psychiatrist.

On the topic of this lone person threatening my peace though…

I will not let that stand. I will be severing most of my contact with them to the bare minimum.

I shouldn’t have to reassure myself when my very existence is insulted.

And yes, my even being alive was insulted.

Inebriated or not, and I have seen the bad end they had even when sober, there’s no excuse to be so hardhearted.

I’m just tired.

I’ve even been called a know-it-all by this same person… all while they belittled every little thing I’ve done. All while I was trying to tell them something helpful.

I like talking about medicine and science. And cartoons. And music. I love music so much. I have been asked for advice by them before… that’s what is so ironic.

If I pretend to know everything, why would you ever come to me at all??

I’ve been dealing with verbal abuse like this for weeks now… and it’s only gotten worse.

Am I misreading this and it’s been going on for years instead? Honestly, no clue.

You know what? Why have I been kind or helped them at all lately? It’s my fault for maintaining any sort of contact.

The mess early this AM put a lid on that.

I shouldn’t be that friendly to someone who has little respect for me.

Mmm.

Cutting ties again, eh?

But with someone new this time?

Really??

Sure… why not?

~J. Lyst

Assignments, reading and notes done for tonight already. Hours ago! But I wanted pizza.

I crave pizza off and on, but since my wallet and stomach can’t handle the stuff from pizza joints, I’ve been making my own. The most time-consuming part is making the dough.

I think I’ll have some lazy man’s beef LoMein tomorrow. Or ramen. I think I have the chicken stock I need.

Making homemade ramen is so time consuming… but is so worth it. The easiest part—for me—is boiling the egg to go into the bowl.

Now then… WRITING AHOY!!

…I hope.

I am now probably 15,000 words behind in NtC. So I’ll hammer out a bit into that and a bit into C&R II.

/insert wailing emoji

I am so going to lose NanoWrimo this year.