Hey, Miss J!

Today’s title is courtesy of a line from one of my favorite Dido songs.

So… I figured out around midnight why I was such a wreck on Friday.

First, a terrible event occurs. Time passes and you start to come to terms with it… You learn to adapt and accept it. You have no choice but to accept what has happened. Time marches on—as it always has and always will. You blink and suddenly 365 days have rolled all the way around, and you’re once again facing that same awful day.

Except in this case, now it’s become an anniversary.

Merriam-Webster defines the word “Anniversary” as being: the annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event.

So now I have a forth horrid anniversary to go through.

Were my mother alive today, she would be 70 years old. My father will be 70 soon. They were extremely close in age.

My mother died exactly 30 days before she turned 66. I know my father has never recovered from her loss… I doubt he ever will unless he loses his memory. It won’t be a partial loss either. It would need to be a total loss. He knew her for well over forty years.

So being upset about my mom and a few other things led to me acting like that yesterday.

However… some of these problems have been lingering for months.

I haven’t had a consistent day of cleaning in months now, and my moods are starting to become unstable again—I think.

Some of the clarity I had is getting spotty.

Which I’ll have to report to the psychiatrist soon.

I got nothing done last night, FYI.

So much time wasted…

Oh! And I got my first kudos on “Catch & Release II – The Journey Continues!” I’m bubbling over from that.

… it’s also that time of night that I realize again that I have done nothing at all for Nano.

Oh man…

~J. Lyst

A large chunk of me being so disoriented is due to my home falling into what I would confidently call ‘squalor.’

Dust accumulates very quickly.