Hey, Miss J!

I’m staring at my curtains and asking myself a lot of questions. While it was great that I finally pulled off the horrid tannish/brown things that had been there for decades… I’m not joking about that. I also revealed a very nice set of sheer curtains. Now, it looks like my background glows in the daytime.

I plan on taking my new coughing meds soon. A single gel pill… and it halted most of the coughing last night. It was nice. No busting any CPAP valves.

I’m also looking into which chores I can push over onto tomorrow. I have an assignment that I should have done half of tonight.

Maybe I can force myself up when the alarm goes off and start the day off fresh.

I also blew maybe an hour catching up on my favorite Webtoons. What’s sad about that is there are so many that I either can’t read or many that I won’t waste time reading.

I just added three more to the ‘will not’ read pile. However, there is about three that I can still comfortably entertain myself with. I just hate when the site turns the completed webtoons into Daily Pass.

Which means that you have to eventually download and install the app to read them. Of course, they have an associated cost if you want to read more than one per day.

I managed to hop off the must download app to read wagon some time ago. One of the stories I was reading was fascinating. The plot was well written initially… but the ending made it seem as if the artist was over with that story. Far too many comments of people who hated the eyes of the main female character and talking about how plain she looked compared to other female characters.

When the artist is also the writer, they will write and draw what they want.

It’s like me in a way. I’m not an editor – obviously – but I do enjoy doing edits on occasion. Primarily on my own stuff. I found edits needed yesterday on NtC. I’ve been debating as well if I should post chapters or quarter chapters on my blog.

Since my focus often is a good story that’s not crude… It makes sense. In truth, that was why I started writing fanfiction again after so many years. When I first started posting on Fanfiction.net years ago, I was in sort of a roll – back in 2006 or 2005? Maybe?

I remember finding a blog dated 2003. Everything kind of stopped when my grandmother died though. After a while, I became horrified and disgusted with the sort of material I’d written.

I also noticed, much to my chagrin… that the way I acted and dressed was being imitated by children around me.

The reason I grew a mohawk and maintained it was due to grief after losing my grandfather. I felt like I’d been orphaned when he died. And even though both of my parents were still alive at the time… it didn’t matter.

Then, I finally cut it off, thinking it looked stupid and fell for the bald look for a while. Then, I grew it back again and styled it like Mr. T on the A-Team.

All of a sudden all of these little kids were coming in with mohawks. Now this started before I shaved it. Right after I went bald, the kids were hairless as well. And now they were having mohawks again. I started worrying how bad of an influence I was… and wondered just how perceptive these children were.

I wanted to look and feel different, so I went bald again but regrew my hair, kept it groomed and started wearing lip cream. I started wearing jewelry, skirts and dresses, and I was being treated differently by people I worked with and customers.

Except the one guy who had called me “sir” and” young man” for years. He was really upset when he found out I was a woman. He asked me when I’d become a woman, and I explained that I was born female and had two X chromosomes. I also explained that I don’t argue with customers over what they call me. As long as it’s not offensive.

He was… never really the same after that…

Looking back on things now though, be it my hair journey as a young black woman or how I traded – and continue to trade – men’s clothing for something better suited for a woman… Well… I don’t think I’d change a thing. Except it should have been a lot sooner.

I tossed my stripped Stetson and the pinstriped suit I wore, and I exchanged it for very nice flowing tops and skirts.

I got rid of my ultra-masculine boots, but I also tossed my heels too though, because I’m getting way too old to be falling.

Might break my neck.

Gone are the hideous shoes that my aunt convinced me to buy. Even though I only have two sets of women’s dress shoes – one being Uggs – I still feel better having fitted shoes.

Now, I do still wear men’s shoes, but they’re steel-toed sneakers. And fit my ridiculous feet. I think I wear between a 10 ½ to 11 in women’s. Women also tend to have slender feet and I…

… Have broad feet. So men’s sneakers makes sense.

I’ve somehow gotten off topic, but it feels nice to get stuff off my chest.

Since I’m back to losing weight (again), one of my friends told me that we need to go shopping again. I mean it’s not like I have a closet full of dresses and skirts I can wear. (I do) One of them is a no-go though. Technically two of them are.

One of them fits like a glove… and the other? As one of my friends learned, my jean skirt isn’t tight, but it does umm… outline things, I suppose?

It was the fault of one friend that I wore it. She complained that everyone assumed a man was coming to visit. So, I went ahead and put on a jean skirt that nearly reached my ankles and went over to visit.

… The comments about my hips and butt went on for some time.

She also said that if I fell backwards, I had cushioning.

To break my fall.

Now… as a woman who has fallen backwards – no. Having a backside – no matter how full or curvy – does not mean you won’t hurt when you fall.

I guess she didn’t know I had all that back there? The jeans I wear are usually loose in that area.

Then, I had to deal with apologies over asking me to wear what I did.

All my clothes fit differently when I didn’t weigh as much. My butt did not go anywhere then. I think I’m stuck with it.

Still… wouldn’t hurt to do some glut exercises to build all of my muscles back up, right? Since I’ve become so active now, it should be fairly straightforward and easier to do.

But that means I must do core too.

Ugh…

Hmm. My life has certainly been interesting to this point.

Even when I don’t think it is.

~J. Lyst

I’ve changed a lot over the years. I think I like it. There are spots in the past that upset me, but I’m learning to laugh at myself sometimes too.

It’s nice.