Hey, Miss J!

Today was… I’m not even sure how to describe it. One thing is a certainty though. This post will be up on my Podcast by noon tomorrow for a good old listening in.

I was asked recently when I would upload again. Hope it doesn’t disappoint!

My body’s sore tonight. I’m aching and hurting… but it is what it is. I have to obey and listen to what my doctors are telling me. Even if I’m in pain. The fatigue is also unreal.

I’ve been told before – far too often in fact – that the pain I experience is all in my head. I’m sure that’s the same spiel said to fibromyalgia sufferers all over the globe.

“Your pain isn’t real because I don’t hurt.” – … Man, people really suck.

But I have more than fibromyalgia to explain problems with joints.

When I end up falling over because one of my knees gave out? What is that exactly? Can’t have joint failure all “in my head” now, can I?

For years, I used to fall on the stairs – or down them… because of my knees giving out on me. The joints were too unstable and it’s all because I was overweight as a child and it followed me into being a teenager.

Sadly, I was already diagnosed with arthritis in my knees at the age of fifteen. All I can do now is try to support the failing joints.

I also deal with ankle issues.

Unfortunately, I suffer as an adult from what I went through as a child.

Problem one: I have an eating disorder.

So… I’m trying to fix that.

I don’t necessarily have binge eating disorder, but I can eat an absurd amount… very quickly.

Granted, that was due to punishments in middle school. I went to a Catholic school you see… and as punishment for one student misbehaving, we would only have five minutes for lunch and were made to stand in the parking lot all through recess.

So I never got that nice exposure to exercise after eating and ended up eating rapidly because otherwise I would have to wait until I got home to eat again.

The problem with eating so fast is that it takes about twenty minutes to know you’re full. By the time most people were still halfway through their meal, I was completely done with mine and still eating “snacks” afterwards.

Not too long ago, maybe six or seven years? I was able to eat a Papa John’s extra-large pizza in a single sitting. For dinner.

Nothing says – Look at how fat I am – other than that.

And I would eat an entire order of wings right afterwards…

Now, I’m measuring out my food because I’ve no clue if I’ll ever have normal eating habits… at least not without consciously thinking about it.

Whew! I can tell this is going to be a nightmare when I have to read it back.

Apologies if my voice sounds rough.

It’s a lot to unload.

I wonder what I would say to the nuns who did that to me if I was able to today…

Well, now that the spunk from my chai tea has kicked in, it’s time for me to struggle through a brief workout before bed.

Can I sleep with caffeine in my body?

Of course.

Some nights after work, I needed to drink coffee to wake up enough to go to sleep.

How on earth was I even able to deal with all of that madness back then I wonder?

Hmm…

~J. Lyst