Hey, Miss J!

In the past, I’ve turned to food or adult entertainment, video games and shopping with money I didn’t have.

What I learned yesterday is that Bible-reading is the best avenue for me. Asking myself what do I learn from my reading and how can I apply what I’ve read to my day to day life? My mood is often boosted when I read about people who experienced things I have and how they coped.

I also include not isolating and having some communication with family. If I was still the angry, hateful person I was back in 2013, I would be toast by now.

No joke.

Likely dead and cremated or buried by now.

But I’ve changed my personality… and I’m back to working hard to maintain that change. I can see when the old me creeps back in at times. I can never “perfect” the changes, because as soon as I improve in one spot, I slide in others.

But the constant effort is worth it. I still struggle a bit with small talk in person (no clue what to say), but at least I put in the effort now.

~J. Lyst

PS: I’m also working on Chapter 1 of “Arthea’s Uphill Struggle.” And, my dad suggested I create my own superhero since I have so many ideas. Like a comic book.

I can’t draw that well, and certainly not that consistently. I tried years ago. It didn’t work.

My story with Arthea is going to be interesting. I have a framework with character descriptions and bios. Just need to add a lot of meat to it. I told dad I was worried… but then I remembered that for my fanfic, I pump out 10,000 words from a 3 point bullet list.

He’s been encouraging me for years to work on a new book, and I kept telling him that I had no more original ideas.

Well, go figure. Apparently, I do.

MANY OF THEM.

I hope to get the first chapter up tonight. We’ll see. Might be tomorrow night. I want to aim for 2.5K per chapter. (Which means I also need to work on my fanfic side by side, though OA is 4K or 4.5K per chapter.) And also, it means my Monday-Friday evenings might be getting busy again.

Maybe I can do 2 chapters a week? IDK. I do know that the story is likely going to be an ongoing saga.

I hope it works. I have the biggest problem with doubting myself.

Sometimes I think my writing sucks.

But that’s also because sometimes I think I’m lame, worthless or boring as a person. There’s unfortunately someone in my life who loudly and verbally doubts what I say, contradicts me or completely dismisses what I think. And those negative comments turn into internal doubts.

What’s worse is that they know what their words do to me. At this point, I’m starting to think that it’s an amusing past time for them to make me feel less than.

I’m trying to teach myself that such behavior is indicative of a person who hates their own life and wants others to suffer.

Slowly…

But, I try to keep in mind that even when I’m alone, I still have God who cares about me.

Me.

A literal nobody.

And I also realize that something about me makes me interesting enough that others talk with me in person. Even if the conversation is short.

I also… often look at my subscriber list and wonder what about me is appealing enough that other people would want regular updates. I don’t subscribe to anyone else on WordPress. Updating here has been part of my on-going therapy.

However, I do appreciate having subscribers. It makes me feel good. Like… maybe I have “something” to me after all.

Thank you so much!