For many years, I just trudged along… being moved/shoved along by others. My identity or self of self as a person was pretty muted.
I have been told by a very close friend that I’m too complacent. That I “roll over and take it.”
Which was true in the past, I’ll admit.
I am outspoken… sometimes. The problem was how little I spoke up when there were problems.
I don’t like confrontations… and in the past, I would skip confrontational parts in movies. If I couldn’t fast forward, I would plug my ears, close my eyes and hum loudly. Would pop my eyes open every few seconds or so, then slam them shut.
Since 2020, I found myself floundering. I was… for so long… defining or identifying myself with the people I worked with.
I was laid off.
Then, I got very sick and had to leave a job for safety reasons.
Then my physical health did a literal “death spiral,” not helped at all by declining mental health.
Then… I willingly admitted I had a problem.
And I’m on medication.
The meds are probably worsening or “adding to” problems I already had or was at risk of having.
But… The mood stabilizer.
That is what motivates me.
My view of myself has changed.
Sure, I have moments when I’m angry, depressed or upset… but I refuse to sit in it longer.
The mood swings have lifted, which is something I appreciate.
Still have anxiety, but who doesn’t these days?
~J. Lyst
Seeing myself as being “worth it” motivates me to work hard to make sure that my surroundings are very nice and clean.
Which is just what my lungs needed!
Hey, Miss J! 
Your Thoughts?