Hey, Miss J!

Here I am, wondering why I feel like my brain won’t shut off and why on earth I’m running on less than three hours of sleep a day…

I’m going through mania again.

I think… the last time I did this, it was the same thing.

I’m on a mood stabilizer, but I do know that it doesn’t mean I won’t have mood swings. They’re just not as severe. And thankfully, the medication I’m on staves off much of the depressive end of my mood.

Still… I’m also on an antidepressant… And now fighting anxiety because I just took my last pill around midnight.

Bad, I know. I’m supposed to be taking my medication in the morning at the same time every day. When I mentioned recently to a friend that I had excessive urination within three hours of taking the medication… and it lasted for 90 minutes… She suggested that I stop using the medication on early mornings when I go out with my friends.

I tried to explain that doing that was a bad idea.

If I remember taking any of my medication at all, I won’t look to see what I might have missed.

Years of irregular schedules and being shamed for taking my medication at work led to my lungs being worse because I got used to not taking my medication on time or at all. I have high blood pressure, so it’s very important that I take all of the medication I need to in the morning.

The morning that has sunlight in the sky.

The only capsule that I can at time skip is the cranberry pill and my b-100.

Reading the news again has just aggravated how agitated I feel. I am so sick and tired of reading about people hurting other people… with no feelings of remorse or compassion.

I got hit by three of my triggers yesterday alone… by stupidly reading the most recent news. I should have kept my nose in my own business. While it can be risky not to look at the news, it’s more detrimental for me to constantly look.

I obsess over things, if that wasn’t already obvious… and if I get obsessed with what I’m reading, I go from stumbling on stuff to actively seeking it.

… That’s it.

Who wants to guess if I’ll forget I already made a blog post and post again later today… when and if I’m able to get stable to an extent?

~J. Lyst

I’m getting better at trying to get on top of this problem. The cleaning part is probably a bigger trigger than reading about the terrible people all over the place.

Though that last one might be close to the first… at a neck to neck.