Hey, Miss J!

This must be one of the worst days I’ve had since this year started. It’s not because of someone else being rude or cruel to me. It’s not because of being sick and in pain all day—which I was.

Instead, it is because my mental state seemingly deteriorated over the course of the day. It went down, up and sideways. All day, I was glued to my phone. From when I got up until now when I’m finally putting it down.

There was so much time wasted today. I’m actually angry and sick of myself for doing that. Here it is, close to another day, and I’m only now about to tackle my lesson – one that takes two hours to complete.

… All while sitting here and realizing also that I did absolutely nothing for NanoWrimo. I’m even more angry with myself now.

How the entire day got away from me, I’m not sure. I just know that I fiddled with my phone from 10:30 in the morning to nearly 3:30 in the afternoon – the majority of that time in the bathroom and debating if I should shower.

… This is not good.

I’m supposed to see my psychiatrist on Monday. If I’m able to rally myself tonight, I might be alright. Otherwise, I’ll have to let her know about this.

As it is, I might have to anyway because I’ve been feeling like this for weeks now.

I like not living in squalor so the current state of my kitchen is as horrifying as the state of my sorely neglected basement.

I take that back. It’s more frightening because food is handled in there.

…My beautiful, brand-new stove now has dust accumulating on it.

I want to cry.

I need to get back on track today and not tomorrow.

Still… it’s a lot that needs to be done and not that much time to do it all in.

… I hope to be in bed by 2AM. Earlier would be better though!

~J. Lyst

I’m also putting a 3-hour limit on my browser usage with the phone. Which will prevent what happened today from happening again. My iPad has a barrier of apps for 10 and under on it.

Can’t use Chrome on it if I tried. And I have. Plus, it’s incredibly slow so…

Course, I’m not limited with the laptop, but let’s be real. I am not going to haul this thing all around the house just be on my browsers.

I’m also barred from reddit, tiktok and youtube on two of my devices… which just so happen to be the main ones I was visiting those sites on. On the gaming PC—which I am barely on—I only go to YT to find building tips for the Sims4 or how to install mods. I’m unfortunately still able to access my accounts on there, but I never use them for anything at all.

Self-blocking is one of the best ways to get things done. At current, all my ‘entertainment’ apps including browsers go to sleep overnight. As in they’re blocked and I can’t use them until morning.