Hey, Miss J!

At current, I’m trying to get a very old PC up and running with the latest software. I finally obtained my cloning machine and have its brand new SSD ready to go.

I also picked up a new batter… but now I have a strange problem.

It can’t use the power cable and battery together. It can only be one or the other.

One of my friends wants to buy it for her grandson or nephew… I can’t quite remember.

She asked if the price would be the same. With her PC, I obtained it free from a friend and worked on it for months to get it up and running right. New battery, I traded out a RAM stick from my oldest laptop because I upgraded. The RAM stick was free. I charged for battery, hard drive and the $60, I think.  I told her honestly that I would charge for the parts and then $60 on top of that. I love playing with and fixing computers, so I don’t really mind doing that.

Granted, the $60 goes a long way.

It might sound stupid that I would only charge $60 on top of the prices for parts, because I put in days worth of work into these machines.

But… again, I like dabbling with dead or dying PCs, and I get to help my friends out. Once, someone told me that I shouldn’t charge at all.

I hesitated then… but explained that I worked on the machines for days… sometimes weeks, trying to figure out what was wrong and going around in circles.

One of my friends had me do similar work on her PC to get it cleaned out and unlock it – ‘cos it was passworded but she didn’t know the password.

Only for her to change her mind, say she wasn’t paying for it, and that I could keep the computer.

Doggone. Some food would have been a nice tip too. Pfft.

So… I did what any rational and sane person would do. I did some harvesting and demo on that laptop. Saved the old hard drive in an antistatic bag with her name on it and packed it away. Aside from RAM sticks and maybe the odd fan, (cos sometimes I save entire keyboards and/or motherboards) the rest went in the garbage.

Current PC being worked on:

• Hewlett-Packard laptop with Windows 7 (?!) sticker in the battery bay.
• Laptop has power cable.
• Laptop has 1 4GB RAM stick.
• Laptop now has new battery.
• Laptop now has new hard drive, HDD (80GB) upgraded to SSD (250GB).
• Laptop now has new keyboard on the way.

Past Issues:

• Laptop could only load Windows 10 off thumb drive.
• Laptop was unable to detect hard drive. Turned out drive was half attached inside the case and hard drive lacked a caddy to secure it.
• Laptop had no battery detected, even with battery in the bay.
• Unable to type certain letters on laptop – particularly the letter ‘s,’ which would pose a problem for me… seeing as I use that letter so often. It’s in my name after all.

Current Issues:

• Laptop cannot detect battery or power cable together. Only one or the other. Laptop unable to run on power cable and battery at the same time.
• Laptop unable to type certain letters still (pending potential successful keyboard replacement…)

Right now, I have the poor old thing trying to fix itself. I can use the second USB port for a full-sized keyboard… and I just so happen to still own my Compaq Presario keyboard from 2000. Back then, it was shocking to have a keyboard with a USB port – supposedly. And not just one of those port jacks.

Pfft.

So glad it had a USB cord.

So yes… I use a keyboard that is old enough to be driving, drinking and/or in college. It’s the heaviest one I have.

And I appreciate it so much because using it simulates the sound and sensation I would have if I was still able to use my typewriter.

Now, the machine is still in the house… I just need an ink strip and eraser strip.

… That’s only if I wanted to use a typewriter. Typewriters do offer some comfort… to never be distracted by different things on the internet. However… if you lose a page – that page is gone.

Permanently.

Unless you have an eidetic memory and can type it all up all over again.

Now… on a more serious note… I haven’t mentioned much about the state of my mental health because it’s something I’m struggling with at times still… but I want to be happy and not always focus on the negative.

It’s… hard some days.

People don’t normally enjoy not being able to control themselves… but that’s exactly what it’s like when you have mental illness.

Part of what I also deal with are compulsions. I know what I am supposed to do and what I’m not supposed to. But these sudden impulses to do things utterly dark and wrong come on strongly. The kinds of things my mind can conjure up should make me feel sick… but… Well… I just feel disappointed with myself.

Biting my tongue helps… and trying to think of dancing cats.

Memories of what I’ve done before will never permanently leave unless I suffer catastrophic brain damage or die.

I think I was venting some of my sexual frustrations through my writing quite often in the past. Even though I don’t write explicit smut now, my poor brain still fills in gaps where it never should.

Stuff about my personal life and even characters I’ve written for… those got stuck in there too.

Nothing to make someone more agitated than to wake up in the middle of a massive orgasm and realize that it was a dream… one that I had 0 control over. Last time that happened, I was furious!

I probably did curse at that point.

I’ve barely written anything creative since I start on the mood stabilizer either. Part of me worries that I might have nerfed my abilities.

I don’t want to acknowledge it… but I want to try to write one page tonight.

No crazy attempt to get all chores done. I was physically in pain and sick for some hours today.

And was just in general just… lazy.

I’m also now remembering that I haven’t had my anxiety meds in a while. Or the medication to ease my nerve pain.

… How I want to curse right now.

But no… No.

Miss Lyst … we must be patient with ourselves.

~J. Lyst