Hey, Miss J!

I’m sort of returning to normal… I guess?

I felt less sick today initially… But then I started having severe chest pain. Like someone stabbed me in the middle of my chest. I’ve told about three of my friends, the first who telling me that it’s I’m likely paranoid over what it could be. The third one told me that might be an indication of either a presently occurring or a future incoming heart attack.

Just what I wanted to hear… as a person who has had four family members drop dead from heart disease.

Wait… No. It’s been like 5.

My mother, both my grandmothers, my maternal grandmother’s sister and their mother.

I want to tell myself that the chest pain is due to chronic sleep deprivation, which I’ve had much of the last four days.

Maybe ATP depletion?

I’m trying not to be too frightened about it. However, I’m not at all prepared for dying suddenly.

Who ever is really?

But I don’t have a will or anything. I’m literally worthless dead right now. My family on my dad’s side wouldn’t have a legal leg if something happened… and I know mom’s side would come out like the money hungry fiends that they are.

The last time I spoke to any of these second cousins, one told me that she’d be in touch after attending my mother’s memorial service. This was in November 2019.

… I have not heard anything from her or any of them since.

Not that it matters. I’m used to dealing with people who do not care about me at all.

Sometimes… I wonder if my readers think that happened to me… that I died… I hope not. My posting schedule has been pretty erratic of late though. And I do mention in my Author Notes a bit about my battles with mental illness.

The last time I had my heart checked was probably last year…? But that was before all of these extra medications.

And before that weird looking bug bit me the other day. It was strange… had yellowish stripes on it and bigger than any mosquito I’ve ever seen. I’ve been trying to reach my PCP with little success.

Just for a bit of precautionary bloodwork or to figure out when my next appointment is.

Do I think that thing was diseased? It’s always possible.

Then again, I did have a deer tick attached to my back for a month and never contracted Lyme’s Disease from it.

How can I do anything with the doctor though… if no one answers or even responds to my voicemails?

Hmm… I just thought up a few ideas today for NtC. Or rather, the ideas wouldn’t leave me alone.

Since I’ve felt blah, I’ve once again decided to ignore all of today’s chores.

I’ll tend to cat, do my reading, clean out my CPAP and then sit down and see what comes out of my tiny mind.

If anything does, I’ll note some of it in tomorrow’s blog post.

Going to have some tea and get settled in for a bit.

The cat and I napped together today. She wasn’t howling at all. So I suppose I’ll have to keep my bedroom door open for her from now on.

~J. Lyst

… Now watch me stupidly forget to do all of that. 😦