Hey, Miss J!

I’m seriously frustrated and angry from being shot down due to personal experiences or age. I was told earlier today that what I’ve gone through doesn’t matter to anyone. That everyone has experienced the exact same thing.

All because I mentioned needing to be cautious because of a valid health problem I have.

I told this person kindly that I was well aware that no one except my friends really cared about me. My family knows, but refuses to acknowledge their role in me being such a messed-up individual.

I also explained that my experiences are NOT the exact same because I am a completely different person.

I’m sick of being belittled or told that my illnesses are all in my mind.

So, when I experience stabbing pain in my ribs that make inhaling painful… I suppose that’s faking it too. The many times my knees have failed on me, and I fell? When I can barely move because my muscles all feel like they’re weighed down and on fire, or I have stabbing intestinal pains. The chronic mood swings and all the depression… I suppose my trauma, eating disorder and other mental health issues are all fake too, right?

The vertigo I experience trying to go down escalators, being disoriented and not being able to react fast enough… fake, right?

Yeah, I suppose those were all imagined. Except the cuts, bruises and splinters I’ve received from falling on both concrete, brick and wooden steps – they would not agree.

I take offense to anyone telling me that just because I don’t have ‘one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel’ that it’s impossible for me to be sick at all or be in pain.

Hearing all the time: “Oh, you’re too young, you aren’t experiencing x,y,z,” is immensely offensive.

I appreciate when I wake up in the morning, and even though I’m suffering – I’m doing a sight better than a lot of other people. That is something I never forget.

…I was also told that if I was so sick, I should never leave the house…

So… you see me on your security camera, limping past your front door and can hear me struggling to catch my breath… yeah.

I’ll pay you to swap bodies with me. In 30 minutes, you’ll be begging to get yours back… guaranteed. Especially when the lower intestinal pain kicks in along with the nausea.

Whatever.

Look the other way.

In other – more meaningful news – I’ve been re-reading through NtC (as I tend to do) and finding some continuity issues.

I hate continuity issues. So, once I’m done with my half assignment tomorrow and chores, I’ll be typing –this time, since my right hand is half shot – in my notebook what I want to add to where and how I’ll do it.

That said, I need to finish my assignment, reading and chores tonight as quickly as I can before bed… so I can see my back being on fire tomorrow. And I need to be on the move tomorrow.

Wondering if I should bring my cane again… seeing as some of my friends tell me I don’t need a cane when they see me using it. Why would I use a cane after all… if I can’t support my weight on my left knee and ankle?

Why not just let myself hit the ground and crawl the rest of the day?

Dangit!

~J. Lyst