Hey, Miss J!

Often, I feel when I look back over the course of my life – I wonder who would have written it. It’s the same for many people, and they don’t even realize… just how precious their life story is.

How utterly unique!

Each one of us is unique. Even identical twins have different perspectives.

I have three or four different things I sometimes look back on.

• … how did I begin writing?
• … how did my health get so poor?
• … how did I finally learn to accept my own flaws?
• … how has my reaction to others changed?

We can start in order.

• … How did I begin writing?
  • I’ve been writing stories even when all I could do was write by hand. When I was just touch typing as a child. I had a typewriter because my grandparents – or maybe mom – had this program that was supposed to help improve my reading and comprehension.
  • In middle school, I got a high grade based on writing a ‘brief’ epilogue to a book I was assigned to read. I started chatting online in the 90s and got into ‘roleplaying’. Now, I had to create a character and at first I flew blind… then I started creating Character Stat sheets.
  • In high school, I was picked as “Most likely to become a published author.” I always grin when I think about it. Even though HS sucked royally, I still kept diving into stories.
• … How did my health get so poor?
  • In my family – on both sides, there are various ailments that unfortunately passed down through the generations. I was told in the 5^th grade that I wasn’t allowed to play saxophone because I had weak lungs. I was told at 15 that I had arthritis. I found out I had liver disease at 17… Back problems cropped up in my late 20s… That one was a genetic nightmare. My father and all his siblings have back issues and their mother had severe back problems. …And a plethora of other health issues were either diagnosed after years or developed to the point of insanity in my early 30s…
  • I found out when I was 26 that I had asthma and probably had it all my life. I never had meds for it before then – and far too frequently, I’d been experiencing chest pains along with feeling as if I couldn’t get a full breath. I suffered often with ear infections, sinus infections and what I believed was bronchitis.
• … how did I finally learn to accept my own flaws?
  • I like to use humor at times… mixed with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Because – you know – when you look as good as I do in person… something must be off… somewhere. I’m known for my self-deprecating comments.
  • Many people lost their jobs in 2020. Millions as a matter of fact. Being stuck inside for months… over the course of this terrible virus forced me to look inwards at myself. I didn’t like what I saw. And I rebelled against the truth of who and what I was.
  • So, what if I’m not 5’9” or 5’10”. I am portable and that’s what counts.
  • My eating disorder has wreaked havoc on my body – damage that will be there for the rest of my life. Still, I am self-conscious about how I look in clothes. It’s hard not to be. To be fair though, I think the stretchmarks on my shoulders look like I was clawed by a tiger – which while horrifying is also pretty cool.
    • It’s just skin… But there are so many layers to how I see it.
  • I had to finally accept that mental illness is not shameful – and it’s not my fault that I’m sick.
• … how has my reaction to others changed?
  • I was sensitive as a teen and was very good at finding and pointing out who the jerks were. I wasn’t tactful.
  • I have developed the ‘tongue biting’ technique to keep me from saying stupid stuff. It doesn’t always work, because I still sometimes swallow both feet at the same time.
  • Sarcasm. At one time, I believed it was in my DNA.
  • I try to smile at people more often, even if I end up standing there awkwardly not speaking.

Due to being immunocompromised, I wear a mask when I’m out, but I try hard to still smile even behind it.

And off the severity of my weaknesses against illnesses – I on more than one occasion caught a cold from one of my cats. Cat sneezed in my face, then I’m dealing with a fever or sore throat and pink eye.

~J. Lyst

I was about to not upload tonight… but I figured might as well, right? Plus, my intestines are making weird noises.

IBS has been acting up the last few days.

Cue the sad face emojis.