Hey, Miss J!

Ohh, let me count the ways. I think the best way to describe my mood right now is irritated, agitated, sad… furious and grumpy. I’m angry. It was pretty bad earlier. I was screaming in the basement about what I was going to do. Do as much of one lesson as I can, then plot out time for gaming – even though I didn’t want to play again until next week.

I’m in essence stuck with just tea until tomorrow morning.

I accidentally went over my calorie allotment, but due to all of the activity, I ended up burning off an additional 600 cal anyway. I only used 50 of those.

I wanted to just go into a frenzy earlier tonight. The usual reaction I end up dealing with is I give in.

I just give in – every time… and I end up overeating on my snacks and treats.

This time though? I had like two different things that I wanted in my hands… whimpered… and it was loud.

And I put the stuff back.

What messed me up today was a mixture of the monstrosity that I had for breakfast… which was dumb. I keep stupidly doing that… like I never seem to learn.

Ugh…

And my dinner. I had the luxury of having a fairly low-calorie pizza for dinner.

By low calorie… I mean it was about 615 – for the whole pizza. The most calorie packed part was the homemade pizza dough. Yes, I could have made the crust out of cauliflower. I’ve done it before. But there’s a lot involved… such as squeezing all of the water out of it after steaming it within an inch of its life. Then, mashing it down into a paste held together by – I think – cheese or something else. Maybe egg. Then, you assemble your ingredients after burning yourself nearly half to death by wringing out freshly steamed vegetables.

Bake and the result… is not very appealing. I mean… it’s nearly no calories for the crust… but no thank you.

My homemade crust is like 390 calories after I split it into four separate balls of dough. It still keeps proofing in the fridge. I put two balls of dough in the mini freezer and one in the fridge for dinner tomorrow.

Mmm…

The obsession I have with food is insane… at least that’s how it seems to me. I haven’t been sitting here that long at all, and I think the bulk of this blog post is about food.

Oh well.

My dissatisfying breakfast aside… My lunch was awesome. I absolutely love garam masala. It’s a very versatile seasoning. I used it with some minced garlic, sauerkraut, chicken and curried rice. I made the rice yesterday.

What is normally two servings for me of rice has now become four.

I’m also extremely fidgety right now…

All I’m able to have right now is water, my nighttime meds and tea. And this peach tea has me very angry right now. WHO has “Perfect Peach” tea for an evening snack?! It wasn’t even on my menu planner. I just grabbed it cos I couldn’t afford the calories for a hot cocoa.

I’m sitting here, biting my bottom lip.

I was so frantic earlier that I was licking the pizza cutter and the pans and the plate that my pizza was on. I have a strong leaning towards flavorful foods and though foods I cook tend to be low in salt, I still enjoy it if seasoned well.

I also at times use sauces or dressings. I filled the bottom section of my main fridge door with just sauces or dressings.

If my milk is bad tomorrow, I’m having regular oatmeal… with nothing ridiculously fancy tossed in. One of these days, I’ll stop mixing my eggs with my oatmeal. It doesn’t come out right without cheese. And I was saving my cheese for a snack and part of my dinner.

You’d be amazed how much shredded cheese you can get out of a 28 oz serving of block cheese.

I have pizza planned for tomorrow. I think to save my sanity and additional utensils, I’ll just slice up the cheese into really small slivers. I also have pizza planned for Friday night, but I’ll set that dough out tomorrow evening to thaw in the fridge.

I think I need to have avocado somewhere.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry when sweeping… ever. I tidied up my desk, which was nice and dusted off some of the furniture in here, my printer, laptop… the CPAP – which is not part of the office – and the decorative holes in the desk.

Okay, I have to clean out my CPAP supplies, finish my nighttime reading and then figure out what do I do. Assignment to burn off the nervous energy, gaming or both??

Neither??

IDK.

~J. Lyst – frequently typoed as “J. Lust”