Hey, Miss J!

One of my close friends died today.

I am not sure what else I can say beyond that. I am grateful that she is not suffering anymore, but it does not make her loss any less painful. Thankfully, she can rest in peace now. Without being so sick and in pain all the time.

I actually managed to complete all of my chores today. Early at that.

Contrary to what I expected, after I put up my blog post, I pretty much completed what I could and then stumbled to sleep.

I woke up this morning with my CPAP on and reaching out for open air… but at least this time, it wasn’t due to any sexually based dreams.

The work to purge my home of dirt and debris continues. It’s not the broken items that bother me to see. More… It’s all of the supplies…

Pencils… pens… rulers and erasers. And so many staples. Why did I have all of this excessive stuff. Most of what was in the cat room went into the trash – in that regard.

I have to sift through the half bookshelf in there and decide what to toss and what to keep. All of my CDs are back there, but I don’t listen to most of them… so I have to choose.

Who do I keep and who do I toss? Some of the CDs have been here since 1999… To give an idea as to how long I’ve had CDs. I might have one or two older than that, I’m not sure. I do know that I’m leaning away from a lot of the music I used to listen to. Now, I tend to listen to Amazon Music.

I cancelled my cable subscription today… Because why keep something I barely if ever use? I moved to just high-speed internet and landline phone.

I do have Hulu, but I need to revive my account… if I can. There are so many of my favorite shows on there. I also use Amazon Prime Videos.

I do not watch any of the “big” news companies only available on cable. I’m utterly fed up with it. If I’m curious, I can ask a friend or google about news in my area. Often, you can get the gist of what’s happening just by the title alone.

… Man, I threw out so many masks… They were the ones with either vents or cloth ones.

And yes, I wear a mask still. I was immune compromised already before I received new medication that lowered my immune system even more. My doctor also noted that my immune system was pretty low. She also said there were indications that I had fought off some infection.

I didn’t remember being sick at all before I went to see her.

That’s … scary. I worry often if my past is coming back to haunt me.

In the past, I was involved… sexually… with someone who was not very nice and as I later learned – was very promiscuous. Took a lot of money from me too, under the pretense of promising to pay me back later.

I never saw a dime.

Because of the history… I had myself tested for every STD that I could think of.

However, the big one has always lingered in the back of my mind. I haven’t been brave enough to ask her, but I’ll need to the next time I go to see her. For another test.

For HIV.

Mind, that revolting relationship ended in 2010… But that was over a decade ago – and I have remained stubbornly but peacefully single since… but I know the virus can linger in people’s bodies for years… decades even… before it builds up enough to rear its ugly head.

And I’ve had this persistent cough for over a month now… I want to say that it’s pollen, but I don’t know…

Recently, I’ve been sneezing so hard that the muscles in my upper body seize up. I end up feeling very sore and weak afterwards.

That would suck if I’m sick. That’s the last thing I need now…

I think I’m going to get some hot chocolate, work on my assignment and maybe talk to my dad. I doubt he’ll be able to say much to help me, but you never know…

I also need to contact my doctor or CVS… or both… to get a blood test done.

I’m just not looking forward to the awkward stares…

~J. Lyst