Hey, Miss J!

My hip is still trying to stage its own revolt.

So let’s get a bit of clarity. I had two appointments for vastly different doctors yesterday. Psychiatry and PT. On the way to and from the first, I started having some issues with one of my hips.

At the second, I was given exercises after being flung onto a bike for a tad bit longer than normal to try to loosen up my hip. Exercises went well, I ended up spending the longest time ever getting home and after I got home and scrambled through everything else, I was struggling to get up the stairs.

It felt like my right hip was barely holding on in the socket. I had to tighten the muscles in my thigh to get to the top of the stairs. It was a nightmare.

By the time I rolled into bed, I was ready to just call it quits… I was so upset.

I was also greatly sleep deprived.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me as having Type 1 Bipolarism.

She’s prescribed a mood stabilizer, which I have to pick up and begin taking this week.

I prefixed by dad by stating: “Hey dad! Guess what else I got from mom aside from her stunning good looks?” Then told him I was bipolar.

I have known for a long time that I probably had this condition and was excited to finally have some closure in that regard. However, after I got a formal diagnosis, I just felt…

Very disappointed. In myself.

I have no clue what this new mood stabilizer will do to me. I’m honestly afraid of the risks associated with taking it as well. I do not even fully know the name.

But… we need to try something to get my moods under control.

So… just for clarity, I’m still on medication for depression, but now have an additional pill for my mood disorder.

Good grief… No wonder why I can’t ever seem to do things all the way without running into problems and heavily doubting myself.

I suppose… having information isn’t all bad. Then again…

Now, tonight, I’m in a bit of a pickle because I’ve completely forgotten to take any of my meds and now I need to scramble down the stairs and take everything at night. Which means I’ll have to take my fibromyalgia meds later.

Blech.

That’s it… I think.

~J. Lyst

I’m not even sure what to compare the disappointment to. Maybe finally getting the ice cream you remember from childhood… only to find out that it never tasted that good to begin with.

PST… I think I’ll work on my writing tonight to burn through some stress.