Hey, Miss J!

…

I really don’t want to blog tonight, but I’ve stubbornly kept at it. Since I can’t trust anyone that my provider suggests for therapists, this is the next best thing.

Of course, who would see a public forum as a way to deal with private matters?

Then again, I discuss things on my blog that I’m comfortable mentioning to friends. So, what counts as private for me is not the same as others.

I dislike the stigma around mental illness… as if people are to blame for being sick! I don’t mind being candid about my frustration over the side effects of my medication.

Unfortunately… when I mention it to my friends, they suggest that the flashes of heat I deal with are due to menopause. I have conflicting feelings over that. Yes, I’m closer to 45 now than 20 by a mile, but it’s not something I want to address. I’m still continuing to struggle with my unintentional infertility.

Then again, who has intentional infertility?

No one.

I’m also about to rehome one of my cats, so I already know that this month is ending on a horrific note already.

I’ll miss his soft fur and how big his eyes are and how cute he is.

However, … I will not miss his bites and scratches. I will not miss him biting my older cat on the neck. I will not miss him using his big body to bust his way into any and everything. I will not miss him banging on my bedroom door like he’s the police. At all hours. It’s to the extent that I have to put weight against the door so it doesn’t move… so I can sleep. That’s not good for my health at all.

I will not miss the horrendous gas that he has – and yes, it is quite bad… And… I will not miss him leaving his waste uncovered in the cat box. That’s like a man who decides not to flush and anyone who does that in my bathroom and just leaves it there? Yeah, they won’t be back.

So yeah, I’ll be losing a furry baby, but considering how much trouble he caused me, I don’t mind.

I should have stayed with two cats and then back to one after the sick one died.

Again, the 19-year-old will outlast someone else. I told a friend that it would figure that once that old cat is alone that she just up and peacefully die and then I’m back to searching for another cat.

So… while close to tossing one male cat out, I’m actively searching out other older cats. It’s not easy though… Finding cats that are over ten years of age is quite difficult on the sites I’m checking.

Maybe younger? IDK

My mind is all over the place now.

Soz.

~J. Lyst