I have a few ideas for tonight. I’m not sure if they’ll work properly. I feel like I’m constantly running on one of those giant hamster wheels. It’s strange… like I never really go anywhere. I make it a few steps forward, then get stuck and end up scrambling to keep going.
I had a frustrating phone call today. I’m upset that I don’t have all of my full medical records. Then again, I’m terrible at keeping my own records of anything at all.
How on earth was I even able to keep my aunt’s household running for so long??
I suppose I need to just press ‘Start’ somewhere.
Where do I go, though?
I am so used to relying solely on myself, but when my brain is malfunctioning, I don’t know what to do.
When I get depressed, I can’t do much properly. I could go to work daily with no problem, eat, but not clean anything much except the things I needed right away.
My brain has not been right for a very long time…
My sense of self was tied into my job and when I lost that… Well…
Never in my life have I had such an extended period of treatment for my psychiatric conditions, which is good. However, never in my life have I ever felt as if I was so far adrift. I wonder how on earth I was able to go to work so frequently and not just keel over and collapse.
The muscular pain and fatigue was a daily nightmare that I had to endure.
Now that my hot water tank is dead, everything has become so much worse.
I’ve had friends suggest I set up a system to get hot water so I can properly clean myself.
And since I’ve set up a system to do my laundry… well…
Oh dear.
Here’s hoping that I do better tomorrow than I did today. I accomplished SO MUCH… but I feel like I failed.
~J. Lyst
Hey, Miss J! 
Your Thoughts?