Hey, Miss J!

Were I to look back, even though I’ve said otherwise… I’m very grateful for how I got to be here. None of it was easy, at least not from the start. I still have doubts and question myself often.

Yet…

I’ve found more reason to smile of late. Maybe being in compliance with my treatments has been helping? I’m honestly not sure.

I’m depressed and anxious often yes, but far too much of my life has been wrapped up in bitterness as well. Even though I’ll probably forget all of this next week – I know that fixating on the past helps no one. There is no humanly possible way for me to reclaim all of those wasted years.

Can’t go back, struggling to move forward.

What am I supposed to do?

Most of what I wanted to do yesterday was done… except me being able to sleep easily. That’s extremely annoying.

About to take my nighttime medication and exercise before bed. I have an assignment to do.

Tomorrow, I want to start recording for NtC and get a backlog of Podcasts set up. Even though I don’t want to take my “sleepy time” medication, I need to.

It’s difficult to pin down just why I am so resistant to taking the medication.

Maybe I don’t want to acknowledge being so sick as to need all of it, eh?

All of my blood tests actually looked good this time… Yet, I still don’t feel that great today. Maybe it’s due to lack of sleep?

That’s probably the problem.

Planning will begin between tomorrow and Sunday for Chapter 19 of NtC.

Matter of fact, I’m starting to feel the tail end of being manic again… Mind, I was diagnosed as bipolar, but my doctor lost the paperwork.

I’ve mentioned having periods of high energy followed by terrible lows to her before, but she keeps forgetting to retest me again.

I want to take advantage of the mania this time, grab it by the tail I guess you could say. I’m always filled with this huge burst of energy. Instead of Chapter 19, I’ll do both 19 and 20 if I’m able to.

And voicing for the Podcast.

And setting up for a return to filming for YouTube.

Responsibilities first though.

I’m Out!

~J. Lyst

I assume that I will only get 1 or 2 of those things actually done. Or half done.

Ugh.

-_-