Hey, Miss J!

Now that I understand why I’m so drawn and weary, I’m still upset at how often I have to stop to just sleep.

I don’t want to, but unfortunately my body has other plans.

Does that sound like I’m lazy? I have a widespread chronic condition that makes it nearly impossible to work at 100%, let alone even 80% for long. The only thing I did to try and treat it was down copious amounts of caffeine with some fractured hope that I would be able to move like a normal human being.

But I’m not a normal human being.

I’m a sick, sometimes broken down, frustrated, angry and mentally ill human.

I have so many days when I scream in my head, especially when I’m trying to do something and my muscles won’t respond. I’m a woman who still has 25lb dumbbells because I used to be able to lift them. Now I struggle to scoot them out of the way.

How far down my body has fallen.

But… I am still alive. No matter how much I’m suffering, I’m still here.

Can’t complain too much about that.

I can channel into my writing though.

Maybe I can pen that other short tonight.

Hmm…

~J. Lyst