Hey, Miss J!

I don’t have long, so let’s talk.

I’ve often questioned what was the driving force behind what I do. I enjoy soft, fuzzy things that make me feel warm. Maybe that’s why I write fluffy stories so well… because it’s something that I don’t have in my life.

I yearn for it.

Sometimes, I feel so lonely. It hurts so much not to have anyone to call my own.

Even though I chose for the most part to live a single life, why would I still continue to write like I do?

Where do I get all of those feelings from?

I had the privilege of growing up with two people who had feelings later reflected in my stories. They could communicate and have full conversations without talking at all.

That’s special.

It’s real love.

I couldn’t ever hope to capture what I saw with them. There’s no words that can adequately describe it.

I explained to a friend of mine that I like things that can make me forget about what’s bothering me.

I find myself at times often angry about the situation that I live in, hate that I live in a body that’s deteriorating like mine is. There are so many things I want to do – but can’t. All because of organic restraints.

So, I let myself be transported when I’m writing to a place and time where I have no problems at all.

I have to admit that writing about my current main couple has touched me in ways that I can’t quite explain. It’s been a very pleasurable experience.

Why do I write in this blog?

Some people earn compensation for their blogs and for what they write. My goal was never to be monetized at all though. I wanted to write about what bothered me, what things I’ve faced and how I’m coping now.

Even if I was able to earn anything, I would still write merely for the joy that comes with it. I never wanted to tether myself to the whims of others. I spent too many years doing that.

So, while I feel horrible tonight and want so badly to go to sleep… What I want more – is to see what happens next.

I want to forget the anxiety that nips at my heels every hour of the day. I don’t want to focus too much on being depressed either.

I just want…

To feel free, even if it’s only for a few hours.

I want the exhilaration of creating something new with my hands. Even though the characters I write about are already established, the storyline and their dialogue… that’s all me.

I’ve been thinking recently about venturing out into other genres. I still need to finish “Open Arms”, which currently sits incomplete… Another testament to how I often begin things and never finish them.

As a matter of fact, I had an entire section in my back room full of notebooks – half written and half imagined stories… Things that never actually went anywhere.

Yet, now I am on the cusp of actually completing something. For the first time in my life. Something that’s not just a short story, but something that’s been longstanding for years now.

Maybe one day, I’ll feel brave enough to resume work on my book? That would be nice.

And at the end of the day, even if I end up one of those no-name authors who never got off the ground… I’ll still be satisfied that I tried.

All writers want to be acknowledged, but not many of us are.

My viewership is non-existent. My readership is extremely low, but I don’t care.

I’m just happy to be able to bring enjoyment to myself and that others like what I do too.

That’s it.

~J. Lyst