Hey, Miss J!

So, I’m sitting here watching yet another episode of Intervention, debating purchasing the next season. One of my friends asked me why I watch shows like this.

I told her what I’ve told everyone else.

I watch these types of shows because I want to know why and how these people can fall so deeply into dependency that they’ll put their lives and the lives of others at risk. There’s always a backstory.

Sometimes, one parent is the lone disciplinarian and the other one cuts loose and goes wild… and the parents split – the kid ends up living with the one who parties. I have a unique view because of my own upbringing.

I had none of this. Instead, there was an overwhelming amount of stability, however I had severe restrictions too. As a 30+ year old person now, I can’t understand how I managed to not lose my mind…

Being locked in the house 24/7 unless it was for school, extracurricular activities or for church. On the weekends, mom came to see me – if she wanted. Otherwise, I might be able to reach her on the phone.

Maybe.

Having an upbringing like that I can now say was a bit extreme, but since I couldn’t go out but so far and do but so much… it kept me out of trouble.

So while so many of these people started experimenting with drugs at school or with friends, I had so many ‘after-school’ specials crammed into me along with instructions as to why I should never do drugs that it came natural for me to say: “Nooo thank you.”

And walk away.

I felt pressure to fit in, yes, but high school for me was also very strange. I had two different experiences at two different places.

I never fit in, no matter what I did.

I stood out as odd, far too proper and stiff as a board.

My music taste was restricted as well.

So, when I started dressing in all black and shaved off my eyebrows… I oddly enough found people following me around and doing the same things. I wore black lipstick too, with money from my grandparents and wore it along with black nail polish.

I ended up spawning a group of goths in high school.

Wild, right?

The depression that was underneath all of that still followed me to adulthood.

Now, sitting as I am here, I can look back and reflect… especially with shows like Intervention.

Could I have tried out drugs? Sure, could have… and would have been severely punished. My grandparents took away things or swat me over the head.

Never underestimate the effectiveness of a swiftly placed blow to the back of the head with a hand/hairbrush/shoe.

And before anyone suggests I could have snuck out, that wasn’t possible. There were bars on the windows and deadbolts on every single door out of the house. There were even doorframes that had two doors and both had deadbolts.

Pfft. Snuck out how? Out the back bedroom or bathroom window?

… The ground was a loooong way down.

As frustrated as I can be over my past, I can’t help but realize the benefits today. I have a solid sense of what I should and should not do in society along with a solid basis for morals and know how to react when I’m rejected or told ‘no’.

Does it hurt?

Sure does.

Do I lose my mind and go on a tirade over it?

Absolutely not.

~ J. Lyst

Eh… Maybe I should buy the next season? We’ll have to see.