Hey, Miss J!

Time: 11:24PM

Date: August 11, 2021

Mood: Mixture of exhaustion and frustration.

I’ve been bad. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Let’s talk, shall we?

I’ve been away for some time, worried and fearful of what would happen when my medication dose was increased.

Did I forget to mention that? I could check my previous posts, but…no.

Yes, my dose was increased. My local pharmacy jerked me around in circles for days, refusing to give me an emergency supply of pills while at the same time claiming that my doctor never called in my prescriptions. I had to physically go there to get it.

Not only that, but I’ve had to go several weeks without a therapist at this point.

I’m not even sure if my case worker – is the tiniest bit concerned. Whenever he calls, the first thing he asks is if I have a job. When I tell him that don’t, he does whatever he can to get off the phone – after clumsily telling me that he was just calling to check up on me.

Apparently, as long as he gets paid, he does less than the bare minimum to appear as if he has a smidgen of compassion.  

It hurts, but I shouldn’t be surprised.

I should expect men to hurt me.

Is that fair to say? It depends on who you ask.

I think considering my track record and past that yes, I can expect men to hurt me. It shouldn’t be like that though. Not after all this time. Still…

We can’t change people, only how we react to them.

I suppose this means that I still have personal growth to do.

~ Miss J.