Time: 10:45PM
Date: July 19, 2021
It’s strange. I know that I have a problem, but the problem itself doesn’t seem nearly as big and scary as it was before.
I know it’s not good that I’ve been so quiet, but I’ve struggled some days to keep going forward.
To my friends, I smile, even if I feel absolutely awful.
The fears I had about my writing faltering have been unfounded. Why? My therapist told me that I probably put the block in place myself.
It’s true. I’m a millennial, but also stuck in the loop of everyone else who goes to consult Doctor Google when worried about what their symptoms might mean. I still do that even now, but my newer appointments are due to problems I’ve been ignoring off and on.
Today was the first day of class.
I guess I forgot to mention in the hustle and bustle, but then again, I’m surprised myself.
My friends sent me and invitation to go to an orientation.
I didn’t expect a math test.
I panicked and was very irritable from the math test.
Yet… I scored high enough to place in advanced IT courses. Now all I need to do is put to work those skills that I was supposed to learn in Time Management Class.
I was always late to that class.
The irony is not lost on me.
Part of my homework tonight was to do a typing test. And since I’ve been testing and retesting myself because my keyboard is having issues.. I’ve had to face a horrible fact.
I’ve lost speed. Slowed down.
I’m a bit upset because I used to brag about my writing speed. I held so much pride in something that small and in truth… insignificant.
Now? I’m just happy my speed is still over 50. I can’t cross 100 wpm anymore, and my spelling is shot half to death… but that’s fine.
I’ll adapt. It’s something that I’ve been learning with my friends.
Why agonize over a problem when that won’t solve it?
Have I reached a turning point? I’m really not sure.
Till then.
~ Miss J
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