Hey, Miss J!

Time: Late

Mood: Contemplative; Mildly Disoriented

I’ve been thinking about what constitutes as strength for the past few days. This would be (in a few hours) day 5 on my newly increased dosage. My stomach problems haven’t yet increased (at least not too badly), but my sleeping pattern has grown worse. It makes sense now for me to jump up – ready for action – three hours after laying down. Only to crash four hours later and end up sleeping another three hours.

My ability to grasp English is also compromised somewhat. I’m supposed to be at least 1 page into rewriting my book, but it’s daunting. I had to write the sentence that started this paragraph about three times. This was due to fumbling in spelling twice and then having to review to see if what I’d written made any sense.

That sentence was a misstep too. I’m going to hope that when I read all of this, I at least sound coherent.

My memory is starting to slide just a tiny bit, though whether that’s medication related (another edit… Seems now I’m confusing medication with meditation–) or due to aging, I’m uncertain. Thursday evening, I struggled to pull the word “Street Lamp” out when describing how dark it was in my neighborhood due to power outages. I had to describe it to a younger friend and hoped he could help.

I can discern that I’m dealing with some sort of cognitive impairment – possibly aggravated by poor sleeping, and I don’t like that. In fact, I hate it. I really enjoy sleeping, but it’s more elusive now.

What I’ve found in my search for strength, along my meandering thought patterns, is that it’s not always how much you can lift – and I used to leg press a lot. No. Strength can sometimes be found in admitting when you have a problem and being forward with asking for help.

It’s not the most comfortable thing. I see medication as gauze dressing or bandages. They don’t permanently cure the problem, but they can certainly help you bridge the gap and hold yourself together while you try to get better.

At least in most cases.

Okay. I’m done.

Until next time.

~ Miss J

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